Wednesday, October 15, 2014

Work hard in the hard

Lately I have been fairly whiney about this season of life that I am in. I know that I have chosen it; I am grateful for it, but sometimes it makes me grumpy. Because I took longer than the average bear to finish school and because I didn't decide what I wanted to be when I grew up until way late, I am in a period of major transition in my life. I spent 6 years managing a restaurant, providing a pretty substantial income to our house, putting in a lot of hours being in charge, and enjoying being the boss. Moose and I made the decision that that was too much for me. If/when we were going to have kids, my lifestyle would have to change. I had provided while my husband was getting his degree. I had stepped in when we needed my income. My super smart PhD husband deserved to be the breadwinner of our family, though, and I needed to make some decisions about how the family dynamic was going to change for the next season. You faithful few know that this consisted of me quitting my job to sub, work on several church projects, and figure things out. Well, I don't know if I have totally figured things out, but here I am. I love being in the middle school. Strange, but true, I promise! It is a happy place for me and teaching is something that I am good at. A friend of mine strongly encouraged me to get my MAT and make the career switch official. This summer and fall, I have fully jumped into classes. Along with that, I am subbing (a lot) and helping my brother coach Cross Country. Additionally, there are the other things that give me joy that I just don't want to give up--leading Bible Study, teaching Sunday School, tutoring some kids in science, discipleship; and some things I would love to give up but can't--laundry, cooking, cleaning, etc (I kid...). That being said, I have entered into another busy season. It is hard. I would say it is hard to do school when most of my friends have left that stage of life, but in actuality, I have at least four friends who are also in school right now. I think I'm mostly whiney because it is hard. It is hard to juggle. I have experienced a glorious season of peace and minimal "stuff," but, those seasons can't last forever. (Especially for a yes-girl/people-pleaser like me) The strange dichotomy in my head is that I love to learn, but I hate doing schoolwork! I guess I am like many of the kids I sub for on a daily basis who just hate the busy work! I want to yell, "Just teach me and let's move on! Do I have to write 7 reflections about my feelings?" However, I think that would be in bad form. Instead, I whine. I whine to my husband and my mom and my friends about how much I dislike school. After an incredibly difficult week last week, I spent a lot of time whining about my school. My mom and husband are over it by this point. They usually give me zero sympathy and several lectures about how I chose this and how I am good at this and how I should not wait until the last minute. (I know, I know, I know). During one of my rants to another friend, I didn't get a lecture. At least, not one that sounded harsh. This one was what I needed to hear.

Some seasons are just hard. Sometimes they are full of things we don't want to do, preparing us for the things that we can't wait to do. 

I know that is not profound. I know it didn't make my load lighter, nor did it finish my assignments any faster. What it did, though, was refocus my sights. Why am I doing all of this stuff in the first place? Why am I working with Cross Country? Why am I tutoring kids? Why am I leading Bible Study? I could drop some of these things and make my load lighter during this season, but instead I am choosing these things. My heart is to love and develop people. My passion is to help people grow and become something amazing. If I were just doing school, I wouldn't get the privelage to do these wonderful things in the in-between. Transitions are hard. They're tricky and sometimes messy. Taking online classes takes extra effort. Committing to extra things reequires energy and effort. But, all of this is preparing me for the next step, the stage I am anticipating. Whether it turns out how I envision it or not--we will see, but in the meantime, I will press on through the hard, sometimes whine-producing season. It'll be worth it.

..and in the meantime, let us be encouraged by Phil 2:14. Even in the hard times, we need to press on with a positive attitude! It's hard, but with Christ, we can do it. 

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