I have begun to process what has been happening to my body and my emotions over the past few weeks. I am feeling much better physically and am doing my best to repeat my "God is good and sovereign" mantra every time I start to feel crappy emotionally.
When I shared my story on the blog, I was met with some questions. My husband (who is a way more private person than I) asked why I would put it out there for the cyber world to read about. My answer to him was twofold. One, I blog for me. It is a therapeutic journal from my soul. Most everything I publish is unedited, rough, and straight from the heart. Two, if my story can either encourage or glean encouragement in the community of those who have experienced this loss, it needs to be out there. God allows us to go through experiences so that they can be shared learning and teaching opportunities for His children. I drew major comfort from a friend of mine's blog
here and
here. Maybe someone else could receive comfort from me.
I received tens of tens of messages, some of which I would like to excerpt here.
Im so sorry, Megan! Obviously, I can relate all too well. Honestly, after we had our miscarriages, I was kind of relieved to discover that so many women I knew had gone through the same thing. And out of all those women, only one didn't go on to have a baby later (and that friend already had one child). Anyway, just know that you are absolutely not alone in this.
All this said I guess my point is I know we're not close but I have had an experience in my life with a miscarriage. As a human you want to be angry and say why. As a Christian you know all is in God's timing. Megan I am sorry this has happened to you! In time it will get easier to understand what God has planned for you. I had two surgeries along with my miscarriage and after that God gave me 3 of my 4 beautiful kids..God will take care of you!
I know all too well what you have gone through and experienced so I know EXACTLY how you feel. For every perfect and joyous pregnancy I experienced I was faced with sorrow with the ones I lost. What you have gone through, and believe me you will continue to go through with each pregnancy to come in the future, will cause you a rollercoaster of emotions. I remember with each pregnancy and birth of our girls I felt like I could not relax until they were in my arms and I could hear, feel, and see them breathing once they were born. When your next gift is sent your way, and it will, try to embrace the joys of being pregnant and try hard not to worry. I know it is easier said than done, but it is a joy and event hough I worried I enjoyed every minute of it!
It does suck. And we grieve with you. But know God is preparing you for amazing, miraculous things, and we'll be there to celebrate with you!
I experienced the same thing with my first pregnancy, and I was mad, upset, and even worried about getting pregnant again. God has given us two healthy children now, and I am so grateful. I love you sweet friend, and know God is going to bless you both with a precious little Saville.
Megan, I'm praying for both of you! Having gone through 3 miscarriages, I know how much it sucks but I also know how faithful and good God continues to be. You are an amazing woman for the outlook you have on the whole situation and I pray God will continue to carry you both. Our children are in the best place possible, in the arms of their Creator and praise God we will meet them one day!
I share these with you because I was so shocked at how this wonderful community of women circled themselves around me. Even friends who have not been through the pain of losing a child sympathized and rallied around me, whether virtually or in person. I blogged several weeks ago about
community. I talked about how grateful I am for mine. Until this week, I would have told you that, yes, we have a wonderful community and church family of people who love us. However, I was shocked and appalled to see people from twenty years ago, college, church, high school, and so many different aspects of my life reach out and love on us. Y'all-that's the exact picture of the church. We are here to love on one another, to support one another, for the edification of one another.
I don't know why Moose and I had to go through losing our first baby this way. I don't know why so many other women have lost children in this or similar ways. What I do know, however, is that when we encourage one another and celebrate God for His goodness and His sovereign nature, the devil cannot win, even in really horrible situations (in our earthly perspective). I am so grateful that I have HOPE in God and know He is faithful. Through all of this, community within my Christian family has grown and God has been glorified. Could I ask for anything else?
Ephesians 4:29 says this
Do not let any unwholesome talk come out of your mouths, but only what is helpful for building others up according to their needs, that it may benefit those who listen. I pray that we continue to edify and encourage one another through the good and the bad of life. That is what the church is for--and that is how we find community in the unexpected places.
